ATC for The Long Long Trail
by singerme
Summary: Just as the title suggests


ATC for the Long Long Trail

I don't own these characters; I just like to spend time with them. No other profit to be had.

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Matt rode back into Dodge, exhausted both mentally and physically. His shoulder ached where the arrow had pierced his flesh and he was tired from the long ride, but he knew what ailed him wasn't physical.

He had reached a point, out there on the prairie, that he never thought he would have. And dishonorable though it was to him, he was in a way grateful that he hadn't had to make a choice.

Before he had met Sara Drew, he was completely comfortable in the knowledge that he loved Kitty Russell. She was everything he wanted in a woman and he needed no one else.

That was before he had met Sara. So unlike Kitty in a lot of ways, and yet she had the same courage and spirit. And although she and Kitty looked nothing at all alike, she was just as beautiful as he always thought Kitty was.

When he first saw Sara, he recognized something in her that attracted him. Some indescribable something that drew him to her. He tried to ignore that feeling, tried in a way to ignore Sara, but she would not have it.

When he found her out there on the prairie, he knew she had set him up. He knew he should've stopped right then and there and taken her back to Dodge. But he didn't. Instead he went along. Like a fly caught in a lovely web, he was stuck and couldn't seem to tell her no.

What Godey had told him, about there being a pull between he and Sara, kept running through his mind. He knew Godey had been right, although he hadn't wanted to acknowledge it at the time. There was a pull.

Sara certainly felt it, and despite her fiancé waiting for her at Fort Wallace, she was willing to let that 'pull' take her where it would. Regretfully, Matt realized Sara had been much more honest with herself than he had been with himself. She wanted him and acknowledged it. He hadn't been quite that brave.

As he rode down Front Street and passed the Long Branch, his heart ached. How was he ever going to be able to face Kitty again? He had betrayed her. Although nothing physical had occurred between him and Sara, he still felt like he had cheated on the one person he loved the most.

Kitty stepped out onto the boardwalk just then and gave a slight nod of her head, her usual greeting in public, complicated only by the slight frown on her face at the sight of his bandaged arm. She was always respectful of his desire for privacy and decorum and, though he knew she wanted to, she never made a public show of her feelings for him.

The guilt weighed even heavier on him as he acknowledged the nod with one of his own and continued on to the stable. Turning his horse over to the capable hands of Moss, Matt took his gear and headed to the jail, trying to decide what to do.

He had always been honest with Kitty about everything and he had seldom kept anything from her. But he wasn't sure he could tell her about this. He wasn't sure he wanted to. He knew this would hurt her. It would hurt them.

Chester greeted him warmly when he walked into the jail, concerned over his arm and chattering non-stop about the various things that had occurred in town during his absence. Matt quietly listened, thanked Chester for his hard work and fled the jail as quickly as he could.

Without giving it much thought, Matt sought sanctuary in Doc's office as he had so many times before. Shamefully, he told Doc what had occurred and how he had felt when Sara had died. He didn't spare himself when he explained it and he didn't expect sympathy from the physician for what he had been through.

"Did you love her?" Doc had asked in his usual blunt style, after hearing everything Matt had to say.

Matt blinked and sat back, furiously examining his feelings for the first real time. Finally, looking up at Doc, he shook his head. "No," he stated simply. "I was attracted to her. I liked her. I was grateful for what she did for me and extremely sad that she died to save my life. But no, I didn't love her, Doc."

Doc nodded. "Then go talk to Kitty." He said. "Tell her what you told me. Tell her everything. If you don't, this will eat at you. And it will tear you and Kitty apart quicker than anything Sara could have ever done."

Without another word, Matt donned his hat and left the office. Descending the stairs, he found Kitty standing at the bottom, silently waiting, worry marring her beautiful face.

"Are you alright?" she asked. The bandage on his arm and his trip up to Doc's office, had overruled her normal reticence at any sort of public display.

Matt took a deep breath and nodded. "Physically, I'm fine." He told her. "But I need to talk to you, Kitty."

Kitty nodded, noting the tone of his voice and the fact that he wouldn't meet her gaze. "We can go to my rooms." She said quietly, cognizant of people passing close by.

Matt started to say no. He wanted so badly to put this off and think about it some more before he talked to her. But he knew the more time he wasted, the harder it would be. "Alright." He nodded, as he tentatively placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the front entrance of the Long Branch.

Kitty pulled back when she saw the direction he was taking and looked up curiously at him. Knowing his desire for privacy, she had been certain he would want to take the back stairs, so as to avoid the gossip and stares.

But Matt gently pushed her forward, taking her arm as they ascended the stairs, ignoring the patrons in the saloon below. Once in her room, Matt nervously took his hat off, twirling it in his hands as he paced over to the window and glanced out at the busy afternoon traffic.

Kitty kept her silence as she poured him a drink and handed it to him, waiting for Matt to say, whatever it was, he needed to.

Accepting the drink, Matt looked down into the sapphire eyes of the woman he loved with all his heart. He wasn't sure how she was going to take what he had to say. But he _did have_ to say it. Swallowing a little of the whiskey, he cleared his throat, took Kitty by the hand, and sat down with her to tell her everything.

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The next morning, Matt woke before dawn and sat up on his cot in the jail. He needed to get up and going, before Chester or anyone else could interrupt his plans. He had a picnic to go on, with the most beautiful and understanding woman in Dodge City, and he wasn't going to miss it.

Finis.


End file.
